


Prison House Blue-(Ball)s

by Gildedmuse



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: (also kinda), (kinda), Crossover Pairings, Detective Diego Hargreeves, Diego Diaz, Jiego, M/M, No Backstory Given, Phone Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Prison Sex, This But With Jiego
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 15:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19466404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gildedmuse/pseuds/Gildedmuse
Summary: Jake is in prison after being set up by Lt. Hawkins. He's lonely and bored and just wants to hear his best friend's voice.





	Prison House Blue-(Ball)s

**Author's Note:**

  * For [werelocked](https://archiveofourown.org/users/werelocked/gifts), [pixiegf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixiegf/gifts).



> For Kass and Pip who support this Ship despite all three of us knowing better.
> 
> The only explanation I can give is TBWJ which is just where we take scenes from Brooklyn 99 and sa,y "okay but what if we added Diego from The Umbrella Academy as Rosa's brother and Jake's love interest?" That's it, and even that but of information isn't included in this story. Oh no, I just dump you into this AU and it's sink, swim, or get on this ship.
> 
> Also, it's remarkably unedited. Feel free to point out any mistakes or give constructive criticism. I'll gladly take any type of feedback considering the fuck I just wrote.

Jake drops into his bunk the second he's back in his cell, barely waiting for the guard to be out of sight before he's pulling out his new phone

It's a bad idea but, hey, he recently helped smuggle a bunch of illegal ramen into a prison so apparently Jake Peralta, convict, is all about making poor choices.

He lets the phone ring almost one full time before giving in to the edge of desperation that's been creeping up on him all day. "Come on, come on." Okay, sounding just a little needy there Peralta. To be fair it's only because how needy he's feeling.

Prison is horrible and not just the honestly horrifying parts like the drugs and brutality and rascism and transphobia and corruption although yeah all those things were more than enough that Jake couldn't even continue the list in his head or he'd spend the rest of the night curled up in a ball. There's also all the other stuff. Starting with the loneliness and being cut off from the things and people you lo- wa-

Just miss really, really bad.

Bad enough that Jake thinks if he doesn't talk to him he might just have to get Caleb to tell him about the time he took that cooking class again just to distract him from wanting to cry. Even if it means he definitely won't be able to sleep for two nights at least.

Bad enough that he almost cried anyway just from hearing, "Diaz."

Jake manages to hold it back to nothing more than a sigh. "Is that anyway to greet your wrongfully jailed partner."

There is a long pause (just a bit too long - Jake didn't start smuggling in soups so he could listen to Diego being silent) before. "Ja-- Baby?" Diego somehow chokes and hisses and the same time. Alright, so he's at the precinct then. Too many random uniforms, perps, and other traffic. He's being careful.

It's a stupidly easy thing to guess but Jake feels a little warm at the solve. God, he hates prison. "You know, surprisingly nice to be called baby after all this time. You'd think it'd be yelled at me all the time here." To be honest the things they yelled at Jake were all things he wasn't willing to even think about, especially right now. And despite the joke, he had missed the nickname. It, too, makes him feel warm.

Maybe a bit more than warm.

"I'm asking, later," Diego says in a way that means Jake won't like the conversation but then Diego doesn't know how much Jake's been missing just talking with him. He suspects he'll like it plenty, _particularly_ if Diego's voice goes all low like it does when he gets scary.

Even the way Diego's voice drops just now makes Jake feel all restless. He squirms around on the cot which is impossibly hard (seriously why even bother when they could just have them sleeping on slabs of concrete?) and wonders just how upset Diego is going to be with him later. Jake's pretty sure he'll be more realized than anything once he finds out it was just something as silly as soup but he'll probably still use the voice. Maybe even growl.

Jake's stomach drops and he presses his legs together before going entirely still. Because his mind is apparently a little snitch it helpfully finds the memory of that time they'd been not-really fighting over who earned a collar. Diego had called him needy and it sucked the breath right out of him.

He can still hear it and oh, look at that. Still super effective. Good to know.

It's starting to occur to him just how bad an idea this had been. Turns out Jake just really doesn't care.

"I just... Visiting day isn't for another 28 days." 14 hours 37 minutes Jake doesn't add. "I just-"

"Yeah," Diego thankfully cuts Jake off before he's forced to get too emotional. It doesn't look good in prison even if everyone here could probably use a good cry, in his opinion. "Me, too."

 _I miss you_.

Jake gives a content little sigh, curlling up on his side with the phone safely hidden between his ear and the pillow. He wonders if there is a non awkward way to ask your expartner-friend-crush to just keep talking, doesn't matter about what you just need to have his voice in your ear like he's there and not miles (dozens? hundreds? THOUSANDS? Jake is not good with numbers) away.

Right now with his eyes closed Jake's just trying to pick up on all the little background sounds from the precinct. Unintelligible chatter, people moving around, he's pretty sure he hears a door close and oh, right, Diego's probably trying to find some place with a bit more privacy. Jake can definitely appreciate that. Still it'd be nice if he started actually saying something.

Hey, Jake doesn't know how many minutes this thing has and call him cynical but Romero didn't seem like the kind of guy to go all out on a big data plan.

"I swear if you're calling me about the case, baby." There is absolutely zero threat behind it, which definitely didn't disappoint Jake _at all_. So, you know.

"No questions about my case, or any others, I swear," Jake means it too. Okay, sure, he asks about his and Rosa's case Everytime they stop by, not too mention constantly trying to squeeze out details on other cases they might be working but only because, you know, prison is hell that separates you from every part of your old life that made you who you are. Whatever, it's no big deal.

Still, right now Jake just wants to keep Diego talking and he knows it's frustrating for the other detective that when he has to tell Jake they don't have any new leads. Plus, as Holt has reminded them both, Jake's current status means that any exchange of information regarding ongoing investigations could potentially result in the department being investigated by the internal affairs department thus jeopardizing the very same investigations Peralta is so desperate to assist in (obviously not Jake's words, I mean jeapordizing? That's a game show. Which he knows because he is cultured).

"I mean, can't a guy call from prison just to ask how everyone's doing?" Jake doesn't want to boast but he once saw his father dressed as Santa for a school invent get it on with his third grade teacher. He has had plenty of time to perfect the art of covering trauma with humor. It's his Olympic sport of choice.

"Yeah, okay." He can hear a small smile in Diego's tone and even that makes him ache from just how much he's missed it. Right. Seems he'll be dealing with this regardless of how this call goes which is fine, fine cool cool cool great just how he wanted it to go. Sure. Perfect. Just like he planned. "Santiago has been driving me insane over paperwork. I think it's the only thing holding her together with Rosa gone," Diego starts, still keeping his voice low but hey That's fine with Jake. He settles in, happy to turn off at least a small part of his brain and just let Diego's voice wash over him. "Boyle keeps stressing to me how important it is I get you off, even after Terry tried his best Father-Talk explaining why he couldn't just tell that across the bullpen."

"So Amy is being Amy and Charles is handling things in the most Charles way possible," Jake jokes, covering for the fact that he just bit his lip hard enough to leave marks. It's not his fault. Diego's voice is dark and soft in a way Jake can only describe as sexy-cool and definitely requires an ID to purchase. And it's right there and it's been so long...

Look, he literally just whispered "get you off" into Jake's ear . What do you expect? It's not like Jake's known for his impulse control even at the best of times which THIS definitely is not.

It's not that bad.

He can't help it.

Diego won't even know.

It's not like it's the worse thing Jake's ever done.

Even if Diego did know he'd understand.

It's nothing personal it's just a physical thing.

Alright that last one sounded bad even in his own head, but it doesn't matter since they were all just excuses and Jake already had the last button on this stupid jumpsuit undone. He's already half hard and just the press of his own hand through his underwear is enough to get him going.

Actually, Diego's voice had been enough to do that. Jake is only he wants to say lending a hand but is that too on point?

Hey, it's not like there's anyone around to judge him for it.

Okay so now just keep Diego talking. "How is Terry?" And Jake mentally apologizes to the Sarge for using him like this but Jake really needs this. Terry's a cool dad. He'll understand.

"Basically Rosa's bitch," Diego replies and with his eyes closed Jake can see the half smile tugging at his lips. There is more to the story but Jake doesn't really care. He probably could have worked with just that, to be honest, but through some miracle Diego keeps talking even if Jake's not in any state to pay attention.

He rolls onto his stomach, pictures his partners hands, those fingers, curling around his inner thighs and pushing his legs apart. He spreads them as wide as the small cot will always, pushes up just a bit on his knees and with the phone tucked up next to his ear uses his free hand to grab onto the end of the bed.

He replays the way Diego sounded saying bitch, images he'd sound just as find when behind Jake, whispering it in his ear. He might bite through his lips trying to do this without making a sound but it'll be more than worth it.

Somewhere in the background Jake hears the words Hitchcock and Scully and goes dead still.

"No." He's maybe a little quick there but he's got to put a stop to this before it ruins everything. "I mean yeah no maybe just skip Hitchcock and Scully for now. We'll come back to them later," Jake says like it's a perfectly normal thing to jump over when you're the one who asked how every one was doing.

"...okay, baby." Thankfully, Diego just rolls with it (probably figures prison is bad enough without subjecting Jake to that) and stars in on a story and Gina and the IT guy that is probably hilarious but again Jake's slipped back into his own head.

Turns out all he needs to get his mind out of this place is Diego's voice. It makes it too easy to imagine his partner right above him, pinning him to the bed. One hand holding his wrists above his head and the other slowly working his cock. Jake is shaking now, can't stop himself from rocking into his own hand while his other knuckle goes white from his grip on the bed.

"-actually a pretty good guy-"

"God you're so pretty like this. Such a good boy for me," Diego purrs lying flush against Jake so every rock of his hips presses Jake up against him. He rubs back against Diego's erection and _whines_ for the attention. Makes Diego call him needy and desperate and slut and it all sounds so so so good.

"Guess it's just gonna be like this for a while."

"Like you like this," Diego tells him with his hands at Jake's hips. He's handcuffed to the bedpost now, somehow, and spread out under Diego unable to get away. Right where he wants to be. He can't help smirking because obviously he's the winner here, but then Diego jerks him up by the hips and thrusts hard against him. Jake chokes and squirms and sobs and pushed back for more "please more" trying to force Diego to fuck him properly even as he rolls his his forward looking for something to ease the pressure building behind his own erection.

"-not even touching that-"

"No, baby boy." Diego pulls him back against his cock until he's hurried in Jake and even then won't let Jake move forward. Uses one arm wrapped around his waist and a hand on his hip to hold him in place. "You don't get to be touched."

"But it's just not worth it."

"You're just not worth it." Diego's breath hot against his ear right before he slams Jake back into the bed, all but his hips. He pulls away out to slam back into Jake and it's so h justard, so fast, just this side of being too rough. Like he doesn't care if Jake wants it.

Which, as it turns out, is exactly how Jake wants it.

Jake is a mess. He's sweating and shaking and just keeps chanting please, please, please even though he doesn't know what he's asking for anymore.

"-need you to come home."

"Baby, need you to come." Jake has just enough sense to drop the phone and burry his face in the pillow when he does.

-

Back at the nine nine, a knife bounces off the wall.

There are already seven other knifes in that wall, each of them perfectly lined up. They were thrown by someone who clearly knows what they're doing.

Except that last one. Well...

Diego draws in a deep breath and checks himself. He's a master of self control and this is nothing.

No, just he now knows what his straight or so he assumed partner sounds like when he comes.

Of course that itself assumed he always moans Diego's name when he comes.

He picks the knife up, twirling it through his fingers while he gives Jake however long he needs to get himself together and, more than likely, pretend that didn't just.. because it didn't. Diego has to stop assuming these things.

He starts counting down from ten. He gets all the way to two, which is fine by him. Jake isn't the only one who needs some time to calm down.

This time the knife goes right in line with the next. Sarge probably won't be happy about all these new holes in the copy room wall, but that's not Diego's biggest problem right now.

Over the phone Jake sounds sleepy and soft and it makes Diego swallow hard. "Hey sorry, I dropped-" There are so many ways to finish that sentencs just Jake doesn't. Instead there's some light scrambling and, "Shoot what time is it? I'd better go."

It's probably best for them both. I mean what else could Diego even tell him? How he kept having this dream that Jake gets out and Diego fucks him over his desk?

Okay do maybe but probably not the time when Diego's in the actual precinct. It wouldn't be very professional.

"I'll call again later," Jake is saying just fast and out if breath enough that Diego is sure this isn't just an excuse to get off the phone after actually getting off.

"You better," Diego mutters, more darkly than he means. This call has not been the best for his mood though he's thinking that might change when he's back home and has a chance to think about it more privately. "We still have to _talk_ , baby."

It's not actually possible to hear Jake shiver through the phone, but Diego has a pretty good feeling.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this we have a Jiego discord. Yes I know that's insane. That's why we have it.


End file.
